Dead Silence (2006)

Extract Mandisa
American Idol Top 10 Season 5

It was the evening of January 17 May 2006, and was on a cloud. Premier of the fifth season of American Idol was about to air, with Chicago, my hometown hearing. My friends, Chance and Jennifer, have hosted a game of American Idol choice for me. They had a fabulous feast and lit candles throughout the house, and over twenty of my closest friends gathered to celebrate and watch my debut. As I chattered enthusiastically with my friends, I felt like a king. Chance was "crowned" me with a plastic tiara, while other friends had printed nearly a hundred Brown T-shirts that said: "This is my American Idol Mandisa - All Hail The Diva," in a shining star.

The most surprising is that none of them had even knowing if I was still in the race. I knew that I was selected for the Top 44 but I had not been able to break my silence and share the news with my friends until tonight. When I did, the room erupted in applause. I told them I was not sure if Tonight Show would include my performance but I had a very positive feeling about it because I had seen commercials featuring my triumphant exit from the room hearing.

After dinner, we moved into the family room, crowding on the couch and filling every chair. When American Idol theme song started, I almost pinched myself to make sure I was not dreaming. Little Mandisa had finally found the courage to stand up, leave home and take a chance.

The minutes passed, and I was wondering if my hearing would come. I barely noticed when the phone rang, but the chance itself from the couch to answer it. A moment later I saw him signaling to my attention and said a second passenger irritation. Anyway, could not it wait? Then I realized that something was afoot.

"Kevin is on the phone," he said. "Watching the show in real time. You just sing."

"So?"

"So, after leaving the room, Simon said something rude to your weight."

I felt as if I had been slapped. Tears stung my eyes and a sob caught in my throat. My emotions at a high level throughout the day, today plunged into despair. I thought about walking towards the door and not return. Instead, I took a deep breath, thanked chance for the warning, and joined the group. My friends have even noticed my return, they were so focused on the show. And then there was my face fills the screen.

After only a few lines of my song, the judges stopped me. Paula, Randy and Simon have all said nice things and then they told me to send through Hollywood. The camera zoomed in on my face radiant, and then showed me to leave the room in a fit of joy.

My friends erupted in cheers and applause that I tried to keep my chin trembling. This day had been so good. Why did Simon disappeared and he ruined?

Only a few were still watching the screen when the camera zooms in on Simon, but those who have seen my face quickly turned their attention to television. Before a national audience, Simon looked at Paula and asked: "Are we going to get a bigger stage this year?"

Paula slapped him good-naturedly and said I reminded him Frenchie Davis, a candidate from a previous season. Simon smiled and replied: "It is more like France."

I tried to smile when friends who had heard Simon turned to me. "Well," I said, my voice trembling. "I'm fine."

A dead silence overtook the room. I looked down, not knowing how to react. I went from the highest moment of my life to one of the lowest.

A friend broke the silence. "Simon is a reflex, he said, and others immediately came to kiss me. I accepted the sympathy, but I just wanted to disappear. We watched the rest of the show, but the rally today was more like a funeral.